Dear Maxine,
The miscommunication in our marriage has gone on long enough. My husband went to Las Vegas with some friends for his birthday (that’s another “Dear Maxine” in itself) and his car was stolen in the hotel parking garage. Do I find this out directly from him? No, I find it out on a friend group text. Please help.
Sincerely,
Stolen Communication
Dear Stolen Communication,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your dilemma. Let’s start by looking at the real issue here. Why is your husband traveling at all? We’re supposed to be staying in our homes, not shopping, traveling or breathing until 2025.
Now, about your communication issues. Have you told your husband it bothers you that you find things out from a third party on a regular basis? Are you communicative with him? Perhaps he is reciprocating back to you your own communication skills. He may also be fearful about how you will respond. How have you reacted in the past when he’s had to deliver bad news to you? Were you critical or demeaning on how he handled the situation?
It’s definitely something to sit down and discuss. Both of you should state how much detailed communication you expect or don’t expect from each other, and how you feel when you find something out from another source.
And it could be different for both of you! Maybe he doesn’t care to know about all the details of your day, but maybe you care about knowing the details of his. If that’s the case, he should make the effort to share those with you so you can feel more a part of his life, and vice versa. Bring up the discussion in a non-confrontational way when you’re both calm, when the environment is non-threatening and relaxing.
Keep it simple. Keep it consistent.
Sincerely,
Maxine
Everybody has issues from time to time. What’s yours?
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